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I'm Just Sayin' #2: Strugglin' Romantic

Hi! Hey there! Hellooooo?! Remember me? It has literally been ages since I sat down and actually wrote a post to share with you guys. I can’t even say “Please don’t be mad or hate me!” because if I’m completely honest with myself, the only people reading this is the #PLP gang and my sisters. LOL, hey y’all!! In the off chance I happen to have an audience greater than 5 people, let me apologize for being MIA. Life and adulting took over and well, that’s pretty much self-explanatory. Either way, I hope to be back on a schedule and providing you babies content regularly.

Awesome! Now that we got that out the way, I’m a little hype this week, because this post marks the first of (what I hope is) many posts where I answer or share my thoughts on questions you guys send me. About a week ago (WEEEKKK AGOOOOO #freeshmurda #FreeThe9), I’m casually checking my email and to my surprise, in my inbox, there was an email from a subscriber! I didn’t know if I should be happy or worried that it was a scam lol, but either way, here I am writing this post!

For the sake of this post, I’m going to refer to this young woman as Tabby; hey Tabby girl! So I don’t have to paraphrase her email, I’ve copied + pasted the important bits.

“My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 5 months now and up until this point everything has been perfect. We met through some mutual friends and there was an instant connection. Everything was there: physical attraction, chemistry, and our personalities meshed amazingly. To top it all off, he treats me like a queen. Any free time I have is spent with him. I’ve never had someone give me their full and undivided attention whenever I wanted it. He takes me out constantly, buys me gifts, spends time with me, and tells me how beautiful I am. If I could design my perfect guy, he would definitely be it. Our entire relationship felt like something straight out of a film and girl I was in love! After 3 months of dating I just knew this man was special and I wasn’t letting him go for nothing.

About a month ago, I started to notice a slight change in his behavior. The phone calls/text stopped coming as frequently, the gifts stopped coming, and I found myself reaching out more and more to make plans when that was something he did. First didn’t say anything but the more I left it alone the more it bothered me. Of course after talking to my girlfriends about it, everyone was like “girl, he’s cheating; GTFO Now!” It crossed my mind, of course, and if it turned out to be true, well bye. I don’t have time for that. I finally gave in and asked him what’s good…Nicki Minaj style. Do you know what this man told me? That he doesn’t see it working out long term because I’m too obsessed with fairy tale love. That I expect things and life to work out in ways that it’s portrayed in movies and tv shows. That he refuses to be with a woman who’s too caught up in unrealistic views of love or what a relationship should be. I was a little confused but it made me think because this is something I’ve been told in previous relationships but never really paid attention to because it was obviously bulls***.

By nature, I’m an optimist. I believe that everything will work out how it’s intended to. I genuinely believe that soul mates and true love exist. I am talking about that “forever, till death do us part" type love. I’ve always imagined real love to be something where you can communicate with no words. Where you are on the same wavelength 24/7. Altercations can be solved without yelling. You love hearing each other talk. I imagine love is reaching out with your heart, and really being able to feel that person there. You can feel their presence in the air even when they’re not there. Whenever I have been in mutual "love" with someone and the relationship is getting really serious, I reach out with my heart, trying to connect with them on some deeper level. That’s what I attempted to do with my boyfriend but I felt nothing. It was like reaching out to a rock.

I’m also very petty so once he finished reading me for filth chile, I told his ass to get out. If he can’t keep up with the type of relationship he provided me then step. I guess my question is am I wrong for believing in the type of love that all romantic movies have proclaimed since the beginning of romantic movies? And should we try to work it out? Besides him being all about me, this man was dope and I would hate to let it die if it’s something we can work on…

Stugglin' Romantic”

There was quite a bit more to this email but it wasn’t necessary information. Long and short of the matter is I…(notice how I said I? As in me and my personal opinion, so don’t come for me) do not believe romantic love is real. Hell, I can’t say I believe true love or soul mates exist. To me, love is not something you fall into. If it were, it would be easy throughout. It’s choice that you make. Infatuation and lust is something that you fall into because it doesn’t take work to be attracted to someone.

Girlfriend, you have to let that shit go. Growing up we’re fed stories of Prince Charming coming down and swooping us off our feet and living happily ever after. If you want that sort of fairy-tale ending, I suggest you take up a job in Hollywood and get your acting on. The keywords there are “growing” and “up.” As we mature and experience more of what life has to offer, we learn that half of the shit they fed us as children was absolute trash. So I wouldn’t say you are wrong for believing in romantic love, but you aren’t being realistic of the ways of adulthood by thinking that’s what mature/deep love is. Real love, deep love, is expressed by action and actions are choices we make. None of this ‘gaze into your eyes’ and ‘leap off into the horizon with a pocketful of sunshine’ nonsense. I feel like plenty women confuse romance and lust with real love. Romantic love is our desire to not be alone; to be connected to a person who will make us feel like Cinderella after Whitney cleaned her up. Romantic love sells books and movies and music, and that is why it persists.

I don’t think you need to get back with him right now. You need to spend some time focusing on you and really addressing why and where your idea of love comes from. Love is give and take. From your email, it seems as though he was giving in abundance and it wasn’t reciprocated (correct me if I’m wrong). He took the time to express his feelings when asked and you chucked up the deuces when you didn’t get the response you wanted. So I think you need to take some time to yourself girl. The more you take responsibility for your own feelings, the more you’ll start to see how your own self-messages/ideas of love control your emotional responses. And the more you work on that, the more you can accept your future partner for who they are and what mature love truly is.

Hope that helps! As always leave me a comment and let me know what you think of Tabby. If you need advice or have a question you want answered, drop me a comment or send me an email. Bisous! <3
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